1 Corinthians 15:10 – “By the grace of God, I am what I am.” (NIV)
It has been so long since I have actually sat down at my computer with my worship music playing, spilling my heart out and sharing the goodness of my God. Let me tell you, I’m one sentence in and I’m already feeling free.
This time last year I went through something that changed me. I haven’t had the courage to share about that experience in-depth, until now!
Peak experiences – It’s a time in your life when you aren’t transitioning, you aren’t waiting, you are just right where you are meant to be.
At the end of 2016 I was living, embracing and walking out my peak experience like there was no tomorrow. I was content in my friendships, my job, my family, in myself… So I thought.
I began to focus on my health a little more than normal. I have always struggled with body image. I started out with a healthy routine, going to the gym a few times a week & cleaning up my diet but before I knew it, all of a sudden I was stuck in this vicious cycle of over exercising and restricting the foods I was consuming. It just happened and I couldn’t seem to gain control over the matter. All I was focussed on was loosing wight. I was fixated on a stupid, pointless number. I thought it would make me a better person, I thought it would make me feel beautiful, I thought it would make me feel worthy. I Believed the lies that every woman believes – “If you look a certain way you’ll be happy” “If you weigh this much, people will like you more”. I used to get angry, literally angry at myself if I didn’t workout or if I ate carbs. I lost my period, the very thing that makes you a women. My body was failing. I felt like I was failing. The enemy tainted my vision and I saw exactly what he wanted me to see, I was right where he wanted me.
During this time, I had my faith but I chose to listen to the world over my God. It breaks my heart to write that but I did. This season of my life was real, it turned horrible but it taught me ALOT. I got a head of myself and I took God’s blessings for granted and as a result of that the bad got the better of me.
It wasn’t until I ran back into my Saviours arms – broken, lost, insecure and ready to be made whole in his presence again that my world began to turn around. It felt like my heart was rooted in the ground but it was covered in weeds and as soon as I fell at his feet, flowers started to bloom again.
Zephaniah 3:17 – The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. (NIV)
Last year in Hawaii, for the first time ever I saw myself the way God see’s me. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a moment like that but it was the most beautiful, liberating and empowering moment of my life. It’s not something I can put into words because it was such a sacred moment between My incredible Jesus and myself. I still have days when I am insecure but because I am clinging to God and resting in his promises I have better control over those feelings.
Beautiful one, You are not defined by a number on a scale, you are not defined by how many friends you have or what you look like. You are made new and whole in a God that adores you, longs for you and see’s you as nothing less than perfect. You are made fearfully and wonderfully. You are more precious than rubies. Never feel like you are too broken to come to him, he wants you as you are. He is a God that can pick up the shattered pieces of your Story and make a masterpiece out of them. He is ready to shape you and mould you into the beautiful being he has predestined you to be. There is so much more to his plan than your outward appearance, let him free you of the negative thoughts that run wild in your head, allow his grace to fill your heart and soul so you can rest knowing how much he loves you.
Heart Photo: Pinterest.