I am Delighted in…

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Keep the word ‘delighted’ in your head and let me try my best to give you some insight of the value of this word in my life right now.

I have been a girl that has struggled with self worth and body image for most of my teen years and now into my early 20’s.. I thought this cycle of insecurity and discontentment in myself would have ended by now. I’ve written a bit about a few of my own personal stories in my self love journey in a place of coming out of negative thoughts about myself.

About 2 months ago I found my mind playing tricks on me again, I found myself listening to what the enemy thought of me and I believed it, more than ever this time.

I can honestly say, hand on heart I have never experienced self doubt like I have these last few months.

I know other women can relate when I say that I stood in the mirror and picked at every little thing on my body, I could see nothing good about me. The more I looked the more the enemy filled my mind with lies. There is no worse feeling than looking at yourself and just crying because you are so damn insecure of the person you are and feel nothing but worthless. I was caught in the trap of comparison. I just seemed to be in this rut and I didn’t know how to get out.

I had been back in Australia for a few weeks now from a 4 month trip to the states and I was still in this negative mind frame. I decided to take myself down to one of my favourite beaches and spend some solitude time with the Lord. I opened up to Psalm 139 – A beautiful chapter of poetry from the bible that speaks of all the goodness God sees in us. Normally, this would help me and ease my mind straight away but this time it didn’t.

I love that God knows me better than I know me because when I went to close my bible a highlighted verse popped up.

Zephaniah 3:17 – For the Lord your God is living among you.

He is a mighty saviour.

He will take DELIGHT in you with gladness.

With his love, he will calm your fears.

He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

I was instantly taken back to week 5 at camp – Reboot.

One of the workshops we sat through was all about how the Lord delights in us.

I’m just going to re write that sentence because a lot of you would have just grazed over it… The KING of the universe, maker of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE takes DELIGHT IN US!

Some synonyms for the word delighted are:

  • Joyful.
  • Very pleased.
  • Ecstatic.
  • Happy.
  • Cloud 9.
  • Excited.

If that wasn’t the biggest slap in the face by God at the beach I don’t know what was. I was still in this proud state of mind while reading that verse because I knew it was God speaking to me but my brain was still believing the negative thoughts that were being fed to me.

I remember thinking why can’t I feel the way I did when I was sitting in that workshop almost 3 months ago now?

On the 3/7/17 I wrote in my journal.

I AM LOVED BY A KING WHO DIED TO KNOW ME.

You are my delight..

Every time I feel ashamed or down on myself I need to stop and ask God what he thinks of me. What is God proud of me for?

We were then given time to sit and listen to God and why he delights in us.

He spoke to me and said:

“I delight in you because…

You are courageous and you take risks.

Because you accept who you are.

Because you are loud and quirky.”

I then told my Saviour why I delighted in him.

I delight in God because..

He is my father.

He forgives.

His love is perfect.

He knows.

He is gentle.

He loves without question.

I am on a journey of self love and re learning to see myself the way Jesus sees me and I am determined to get back to the mind frame of where I was in week 5 of camp, except better.

I am not writing this blog for self pity, I’m writing it because I am the biggest advocate of self love and believing in who you are as a person but know that in different seasons of life come different challenges. Right now this is mine and it might be someone else’s too.

I want to encourage who ever is reading this blog that YOU are DELIGHTED in by a King. Who made you fearfully and wonderfully. He doesn’t make mistakes. He rejoices over you!!! God is Joyful for YOU, He is ecstatic for YOU, he is on cloud 9 for YOU and he is pleased with YOU.

I challenge you right now, Go and sit in a quiet place and write down 3 positive things about yourself. Embrace them and Embrace you!!!!!

By Bethany Calverley.

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Nebraska.

I’ve been trying to write a blog post for the last 10 days. I’ve been trying my very hardest to describe exactly how I’m feeling. I’ve sat in front of my laptop screen that many times and I haven’t been able to write. All the emotions are right there but nothing flowed like it normally would. I couldn’t understand why.

Last night I became very overwhelmed with all the emotions I was feeling and had been feeling over the last 12 days of being in beautiful Lincoln, Nebraska. I came to realise that I wasn’t able to express myself because I wasn’t sorting through all the things I was feeling. I started speaking to my mum, my roommate and one of my new best friends from America about what was going through my brain. I realised I feel torn. I feel torn because I knew that I would absolutely fall in love with Nebraska, I knew it but I didn’t know I would be blessed enough to experience the feelings I am feeling right now. I didn’t know that I was going to make friends with some of the most incredible human beings I’ve ever met, Ones that are kind and genuine, ones that lift you up everyday, constantly make you laugh and give you cuddles whenever you need it, friends that I now consider my family and I’ve know them for less than 2 weeks. I din’t know that I was going to be blessed to live in a host home with the most beautiful family! I didn’t know that Nebraska would be so damn beautiful, the city, the landscape, THE SUNSETS, the corn fields, the s’mores! I didn’t know that I was going to be blessed enough to work in a place where you instantly feel the presence of Jesus as soon as you drive into the driveway. I didn’t know how much I would feel like I belong at camp Sonshine. I didn’t know that my relationship with Jesus was going to go to the heights that it has because it’s just me and him on this crazy, incredible journey. I didn’t know that my heart was going to be filled with gratitude when I hear what my campers learnt through the day, when they pray to God or that they are just as thankful for me as I am for them. I feel torn because I feel like this is home and that in its self is conflicting because how can I feel more comfortable here than I do when I’m back in Australia? I feel stuck because I just don’t want to leave and I don’t know what’s next.

I was having some quiet time with the Lord just praying and seeking for answers.

He answered instantly with three things…

  1. Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
  2. Isaiah 43:19 – See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
  3. Genesis 12:1 – “Leave your native country, your relatives and your fathers family, and go to the land that I will show you”.

I’m forever on a journey of trusting the Lord, having patience and having faith. I know that he knows what’s best for me and he knows exactly how my future is going to play out.

I’m embracing this season of Nebraska with all of my heart because I am experiencing more than just happiness being here, I’m experiencing pure joy.

Try and imagine your favourite everything – The things that instantly make your heart bubble up with joy and bring you complete peace. Now times that by 10 and that’s about half of the happiness I’m experiencing.

I am so thankful for this journey so far and I am beyond excited to see what the next 9 weeks will bring if this is what I’ve gotten out of the first 12 days of being here.

By Bethany Calverley.

Called.

If you were to tell me a year ago that I’d be sitting and writing this blog in a host home in Lincoln, Nebraska serving on a summer camp called camp sonshine I think I’d honestly laugh in your face. I love, love, love that most of the time God’s plan is not our plan.

This week we dove straight into training and preparation for the next 9 weeks to come. For my first week of camp I have been placed with 8 and 9 year olds. For one of our training modules we got given time to spend in solitude with the Lord and we were encouraged to think of a vision for this summer. Something that will keep us going, something we can come back to when times get tough and something that can be our very drive to keep going.

God says when you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. During my moments of solitude I was challenged. I know that being here is a massive part of my personal Journey and It’s a new season for me but I just really felt God say this isn’t all about you. You are here to serve, I am using you as a vessel for others to know me!

With that being said my vision for this summer is to be an encourager!

When I first got accepted into camp Sonshine I remember going out to mum saying..“This seems like a camp I would have needed when I was younger.”

Growing up I was such an anxious, insecure little being and a lot of the time I was teased or judged for who I was. I don’t believe any child should be made to feel like that.

My purpose for this summer is to help every child know they are loved, worthy, treasured and valued by a King who loves them for THEM. I want to empower them to be themselves and be comfortable with who they are.

Psalm 139:1-18

O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.

You know when I sit down or stand up.

You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

You see me when I travel and when I rest at home.

You know everything I do.

You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord.

You go before me and follow me.

You place your hand of blessing on my head.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!

I can never get away from your presence!

If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there.

If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.

I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night— but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.

To you the night shines as bright as day.

Darkness and light are the same to you.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was born.

Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

They cannot be numbered!

I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up, you are still with me!

I know It’s such a cliche thing for a Christian to have a vision like this but knowing yourself and being comfortable in yourself and in Christ is HUGE! I honestly believe it is going to set these children up for a life of abundance and complete happiness.

This week God showed me this journey is not just about me anymore, it’s about others and its about being completely obedient and trusting to his will.

This week I learnt that I have been called to serve, I have been called to be a leader and I now know that I am more than capable of doing this because in his strength he is going to equip me.

What an honour.

By Bethany Calverley.