Nebraska.

I’ve been trying to write a blog post for the last 10 days. I’ve been trying my very hardest to describe exactly how I’m feeling. I’ve sat in front of my laptop screen that many times and I haven’t been able to write. All the emotions are right there but nothing flowed like it normally would. I couldn’t understand why.

Last night I became very overwhelmed with all the emotions I was feeling and had been feeling over the last 12 days of being in beautiful Lincoln, Nebraska. I came to realise that I wasn’t able to express myself because I wasn’t sorting through all the things I was feeling. I started speaking to my mum, my roommate and one of my new best friends from America about what was going through my brain. I realised I feel torn. I feel torn because I knew that I would absolutely fall in love with Nebraska, I knew it but I didn’t know I would be blessed enough to experience the feelings I am feeling right now. I didn’t know that I was going to make friends with some of the most incredible human beings I’ve ever met, Ones that are kind and genuine, ones that lift you up everyday, constantly make you laugh and give you cuddles whenever you need it, friends that I now consider my family and I’ve know them for less than 2 weeks. I din’t know that I was going to be blessed to live in a host home with the most beautiful family! I didn’t know that Nebraska would be so damn beautiful, the city, the landscape, THE SUNSETS, the corn fields, the s’mores! I didn’t know that I was going to be blessed enough to work in a place where you instantly feel the presence of Jesus as soon as you drive into the driveway. I didn’t know how much I would feel like I belong at camp Sonshine. I didn’t know that my relationship with Jesus was going to go to the heights that it has because it’s just me and him on this crazy, incredible journey. I didn’t know that my heart was going to be filled with gratitude when I hear what my campers learnt through the day, when they pray to God or that they are just as thankful for me as I am for them. I feel torn because I feel like this is home and that in its self is conflicting because how can I feel more comfortable here than I do when I’m back in Australia? I feel stuck because I just don’t want to leave and I don’t know what’s next.

I was having some quiet time with the Lord just praying and seeking for answers.

He answered instantly with three things…

  1. Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.
  2. Isaiah 43:19 – See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
  3. Genesis 12:1 – “Leave your native country, your relatives and your fathers family, and go to the land that I will show you”.

I’m forever on a journey of trusting the Lord, having patience and having faith. I know that he knows what’s best for me and he knows exactly how my future is going to play out.

I’m embracing this season of Nebraska with all of my heart because I am experiencing more than just happiness being here, I’m experiencing pure joy.

Try and imagine your favourite everything – The things that instantly make your heart bubble up with joy and bring you complete peace. Now times that by 10 and that’s about half of the happiness I’m experiencing.

I am so thankful for this journey so far and I am beyond excited to see what the next 9 weeks will bring if this is what I’ve gotten out of the first 12 days of being here.

By Bethany Calverley.

Called.

If you were to tell me a year ago that I’d be sitting and writing this blog in a host home in Lincoln, Nebraska serving on a summer camp called camp sonshine I think I’d honestly laugh in your face. I love, love, love that most of the time God’s plan is not our plan.

This week we dove straight into training and preparation for the next 9 weeks to come. For my first week of camp I have been placed with 8 and 9 year olds. For one of our training modules we got given time to spend in solitude with the Lord and we were encouraged to think of a vision for this summer. Something that will keep us going, something we can come back to when times get tough and something that can be our very drive to keep going.

God says when you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. During my moments of solitude I was challenged. I know that being here is a massive part of my personal Journey and It’s a new season for me but I just really felt God say this isn’t all about you. You are here to serve, I am using you as a vessel for others to know me!

With that being said my vision for this summer is to be an encourager!

When I first got accepted into camp Sonshine I remember going out to mum saying..“This seems like a camp I would have needed when I was younger.”

Growing up I was such an anxious, insecure little being and a lot of the time I was teased or judged for who I was. I don’t believe any child should be made to feel like that.

My purpose for this summer is to help every child know they are loved, worthy, treasured and valued by a King who loves them for THEM. I want to empower them to be themselves and be comfortable with who they are.

Psalm 139:1-18

O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.

You know when I sit down or stand up.

You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

You see me when I travel and when I rest at home.

You know everything I do.

You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord.

You go before me and follow me.

You place your hand of blessing on my head.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!

I can never escape from your Spirit!

I can never get away from your presence!

If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there.

If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.

I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night— but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.

To you the night shines as bright as day.

Darkness and light are the same to you.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was born.

Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

They cannot be numbered!

I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up, you are still with me!

I know It’s such a cliche thing for a Christian to have a vision like this but knowing yourself and being comfortable in yourself and in Christ is HUGE! I honestly believe it is going to set these children up for a life of abundance and complete happiness.

This week God showed me this journey is not just about me anymore, it’s about others and its about being completely obedient and trusting to his will.

This week I learnt that I have been called to serve, I have been called to be a leader and I now know that I am more than capable of doing this because in his strength he is going to equip me.

What an honour.

By Bethany Calverley.

 

I’m no longer a victim to Anxiety, so why do I feel like this?

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It’s less than 2 weeks now until I leave for Nebraska but if I’m completely honest with you I have felt nothing but overwhelmed. I haven’t even really been able to talk to anyone about it because I instantly feel my eyes well up with tears and my head gets this massive cloud of fog over it.

– Why?

I’ve been battling with that stupid little word for the last month now. I’ve been battling with all these stupid negative feelings for the last month now too.

I hit a really low point last week and that low point was the BEST thing that’s happened in this last month, weird I know. Let me explain.

I was no longer a victim to anxiety, so why did I feel like this? Why was my chest tight, why was my heart so uneasy to the point of uncontrollable crying, why didn’t I want to see anyone, why couldn’t I get out of bed, why couldn’t I write? WHY? I’ve got two words for you – Spiritual warfare.

I messaged my best mate straight away and asked him to pray for me, I didn’t really go into too much detail, I just asked him to pray. He replied with “Of course! When things are going right the devil doesn’t want to lose you and will do anything he can to keep you from God”.

I then went on to read a quote that said “There are no short cuts to any place worth going”.

It clicked. everything clicked. Everything finally made sense. Just as much as God was fighting for me, so was the enemy. It was just the day before my low point happened that I was frustrated with God about my finances, I questioned him and said “Why is it costing me almost $3000 just to get to Nebraska? Why, when I’m an anxious flyer does it take 3 plane trips to get there?” and as stated in the quote above he answered.. There are no short cuts because this is part of my journey, because this place is going to be life changing and because it’s worth going. The summer camp I will be leading on isn’t just fun and games, their sole purpose is to encourage children in their walk with Christ, to get along side them and show them how loved and valued they are. God chose me to be a part of that. Of course the enemy is going to attack because God, him and I all know this is the start of my new beginning. When I really sit and think, if I am in this massive spiritual battle right now, I can’t even begin to imagine the crazy amazing experiences and moments I’m going to have over there and how God is going to use me and open up new doors for me.

It’s almost laughable what happened to me last week. That the enemy used my weakness of anxiety,  He made sure I wasn’t able to write which is the one thing that calms me most and my mum was on a trip 10 hours away so he tried to strike when I was alone. When really, I’m never alone because while he was doing all of that God actually stepped in and took me to this place of surrender, filled my heart with love and allowed my mind to be at peace for the first time in a month.

I can’t even begin to explain what I am feeling right now as I  write this but what I can tell you is to trust God. I have had too many crazy, unexplainable and wonderful things happen in my life and more so in these last 5 months that prove he is real and he is working in me. I will write and share every experience, lesson, triumph, low and heavy heart moment that I can for people to have the chance to connect with him.

Now, when people ask about Nebraska, I feel about 20% nervous and 80% excited beyond words because before I was born or breathed into existence this was part of my journey, this was a part of Gods plan for me and I know that following this through is going to bring so much happiness and a lot of life changing moments. For not only me but for others around me.

I feel blessed and nothing but honoured that God is giving me the opportunity to meet new people with the same love and same passion as me, that I get to see more of a new country and a new state and mostly, that I get to share the love of God with children because as I keep growing and my story keeps unfolding, I’m learning that’s exactly what I’ve been called to do.

By Bethany Calverley.